A few years ago I was at dinner with a few friends. Out of the blue one of them asked me “what is the meaning of life?”. Without thinking I blurted out “love”. Thinking that in the end, everything comes down to love. It sounded cheesy and cliche coming out of my mouth. Over the years though, I continued to ponder the question and now think more than ever that it’s the right answer.
What most people want in life can mostly be boiled down to the pursuit and gaining of power. Some types of power are good for you, but the most common ones always leave you unfulfilled. You know what does fulfil you though? Love. It fills you up better than power ever could. Let’s review how most things we chase in life are just hidden forms of power.
Types of Unfulfilling Power
Starting with unfulfilling power. These are things that can be attained in ok ways, but doing them just for the pursuit of having it is a good way to waste your life.
- Money: The most popular form of power and game we play in society. Granted you want to get to a certain level of money to have a good life, but after that the more money you have the less fulfilled it makes you. Mo money, mo problems.
- Status: This is power over how people in society look at you. There are many ways to get status. Going to an elite college or working at a prestigious job are ways to gain status. You also gain status around how you spend your money. Living in a fancy house in a fancy neighborhood punches a ticket to a different level of status than someone living in a trailer park. It’s easy for people to see what you own, and most people own certain things to convey status. Does a Rolex tell more accurate time than your phone? No but it shows that you are the type of person who can spend $10,000 minimum on an accessory you don’t really need. Increases in status normally feed your ego, which is not good for anyone.
- Beauty: Having power over other’s attention and sexual desires. This is a weird one because it can either be gained naturally (just being born) or through external means (botox, plastic surgery). If you hit the genetic lottery, congrats, but the external route is a slippery slope that usually doesn’t end well.
- Fame: Having power over people’s attention. Will Smith says the process of becoming famous is fun, but maintaining fame is just ok, and losing fame is hell. You don’t know how important having a private life is until you become a famous person. Can Will Smith casually go to a local park with his family on a Sunday? Nope. His life is forever inconvenienced by his fame. How much would he pay to have a quiet afternoon on a park bench with no interruptions? It might be more than you think.
- Legacy: Having power after you’re dead. How many people donate tens of millions to a university anonymously? Almost none. Most donate and in return get their name on a building. Maybe they’re stewards of higher education but maybe they just want their name to be remembered after they’re dead. Who cares if people remember your name 100 years from now, you will be dead. I repeat, you will be dead. Has your grandpa ever talked to you about his grandpa while growing up? Probably not. People are forgotten and that’s ok.
- Leadership Roles: Having power over people’s careers. Most people think the further they progress in their careers, the more likely they will end up managing a large team or company. While that’s true for a lot of jobs, it may not be everything you expected. Maybe instead of the management promotion you actually just wanted to work on higher impact projects and have more autonomy over how you get your work done. Think about a band like the Rolling Stones. They are very good at their job, but it’s not like after their second album their record label said “you have been doing such a good job that we think you should be promoted and start overlooking other bands”. That would be crazy. Instead they were given every opportunity to write more songs and perform to bigger audiences. I think knowledge work will move more towards that in the future. Corporate rock-stars will forgo the management path and truly become the best in the world at something. With scalable technology the best person in the world at a task can literally do it for everyone else in the world.
Types of Fulfilling Power
I’m not saying that we should all shave our head, sell our possessions, and live as a monk. It’s ok to do things in life that increase your power, but I recommend trying to increase types of power that can actually fulfill you instead of leaving you wanting more. There are types of power that compound as you continue to increase them. These are true super powers that should be prioritized in life. Here are the types of power worth pursuing.
- Freedom: Having power over how you spend your time. Why does America rock? People will say the freedom they have, which is another way to say they can truly do whatever they want. Having control over your time is the best power you can have.
- Health: Having power over your own body. You might have a million thoughts and worries bounce around your head in a typical day, but when you’re sick or injured you only think about one thing. Improve your sleep, diet, and exercise and see if your life doesn’t improve by an order of magnitude.
- Learning: How does that old saying go again? Oh yeah, knowledge is power. Some would argue it’s potential power, waiting to be applied. Noticed I listed this as learning and not knowledge. Having knowledge is great but there is never a reason to stop acquiring knowledge throughout life. This power compounds as you learn more. Lean into the eighth wonder of the world and keep learning.
- Reputation: Having power over other’s perceptions of your character. Warren Buffet can do billion dollar deals over the phone, no contract needed, because of his stellar reputation he built over a lifetime. A good reputation can increase your luck surface area in life. A good reputation takes time to build, but can be gone in an instant.
- Relationships: Having power over other people’s time. Loving friends, an amazing spouse, and children running around your house are some of the most rewarding things in life. Not having strong relationships is literally the equivalent to smoking when it comes to lifespan. I would choose these relationships wisely though. Once when I was in college my business class went to visit a local bank in Kansas City. The bank’s founder, a hunched over man in his 80s, came out to speak to us students. When asked for advice for living a good life, his response was simple. He said, “be around good people”. The older I get the more this advice makes more sense. You truly are the average of the five people you hang out with most. Choose wisely.
Love Over Power
Love what you do, love who you spend your time with, and most importantly love yourself. The most important things in life boil down to love. Truly a first principle when it comes to living a good life. Call me a hippie but it’s the truth. Stay away from the most popular desires in life that ultimately are unfulfilling power, double down on power that does fulfill you, and most importantly optimize for more love in your life.